Acknowledgment for All

June 2, 2008 at 1:01 am 3 comments

Congratulations to Micki T., co-blogger of Queens Central, on her and her wife’s anniversary. And to a kick-ass post on the subject that offers important insight on how a little bit of acknowledgment goes a long way in a country that prizes heterosexual relationships and marriage above all else. (Okay, maybe not corporate profits.) I hope Splitting Hairs readers will take a moment to read the post and offer their own congratulations.

All of what Micki wrote has been on my mind this week, but I just haven’t had time to synthesize it into a cogent post. All the more annoying because I spent two-plus hours tonight watching the dreadfully dull Sex and the City movie over at Atlas Park, which hyper-focused on the insanity and insensitivity that surrounds most weddings. I’ve written about my-guy on this blog, with whom I share kids and real estate, and the best parts of life, but we are not married—though I sometimes refer to him as my husband because it’s a label/concept that most people understand, and anything else requires too many words. But I have long resisted the institution of marriage in part because it is exclusive. I can’t see myself going after something that purposefully discriminates against so many people I know and respect.

And I suppose the faux social status that comes with it irks me, too, because that piece of it is hurtful to single people who badly want to be married but are not for whatever reason, and to those who don’t want to be married but nonetheless are made to feel like second-class citizens because they are not. The message in all of it is that you’re less worthy if you’re not married, and especially if you’re not procreating. And it reduces, somehow lessens society’s emphasis on the magnificent contributions people make regardless of their marital/sexual status.

This is just my personal position, not a criticism of those who are married (happily I hope!), and a small explanation of why I appreciated Micki’s post so much. It reminds me not to take for granted how I live, and how all of our decisions and small acts of acknowledgment can and do impact others.


Entry filed under: Forest Hills.

Knish Nosh Street Fair This Weekend

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. CattyinQueens  |  June 2, 2008 at 10:05 am

    I am also not married, but hetero-domestically-partnered for the past 6 years. I hate calling him my boyfriend, and don’t because he’s a freaking grown-up, and so am I. (One thing I appreciated in the SATC movie–the conversation about the “manfriend”). At any rate, I also don’t mind if others get married, and hope for the best for everybody who does, but I personally can’t stomach it as a feminist and person who cares about equality and rights of GLBT people.

    Good to know there are lots of us out there, not judging others, and supporting all sorts of life-choices.

  • 2. Mickie T  |  June 2, 2008 at 10:59 am

    Yay, that is so sweet! Thanks for the congrats and the track-back. Keep on bloggin’!

  • 3. Marlene  |  June 3, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    Nice link! I am always glad to see a happy couple of any stripe, especially ones who get along with their in-laws :-). It’s funny to see the few comments against marriage because I come down on the other side of the marriage fence, for everyone, and not just because I’m (happily, whew) heterosexually married. I’m also a “feminist and person who cares about equality and rights of GLBT people” which is why I want all couples to have the same rights and responsibilities as het-married couples. The romance and circumstance of marriage is certainly nice enough (a relatively new construction anyhow), and I hope the “smug marrieds” (thanks, Helen Fielding) don’t sour it for the non-marrieds on the emotional plane. However, it is the protection of partners’ rights when the other dies or becomes ill or unable to express his or her wishes that concerns me most, right next to the protection of children and families of all types. If each state in the USA has its own patchwork of marriage and civil union and/or domestic partnership (like now), it is the GLBT and non-married families who get the shaft in most cases regarding health insurance, life insurance, and health care proxies when together, and child support and custody arrangements when breaking up. A unified marriage code gives rights–and responsibilities–equally to all. Of course, no one *has* to get married, but at least everyone would have a genuine choice. Okay, that’s my soapbox moment. Thanks for the thought-provocation!


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